You're Engaged Now What? Part 1
If you are recently engaged we want to say CONGRATULATIONS on such an exciting moment in life. We've had the honor of experiencing many engagements because of our couples. This gets us excited for you as well.
But in that excitement comes a lot of lessons learned. These are lessons that we have gone through with our couples because they confide in us. We now want to share some of those key lessons with you. We hope you enjoy this mini blog series as you begin to write the first chapter of your wedding planning.
Each one of us has experienced some form of excitement. Remember when it was a new school year and your parents bought you the latest outfit as a child? The night before, all you could think about was showing off your new clothes and shoes to your friends at school.
You knew exactly what clothes and shoes to ask your parents to buy because you talked to friends, you looked through magazines, and ventured to your favorite stores. It was the kind of research you enjoyed doing.
Now you're an adult and are engaged. Despite the years that have passed since being a kid, the process is still the same.
When preparing for marriage, the biggest advice we can offer is for you to consider marriage counseling. Like buying the perfect outfit, you want to make sure you research and discover everything that will make your marriage look it's best. Certainly there aren't any stores that sell the perfect marriage, but you can talk to friends and experts on best practices.
Before we move any further I want to be very clear about counseling. Counseling in any form will never be a negative thing. Marriage counseling is an opportunity for you and your fiance to understand what being married is all about. Even if you have never had issues before, counseling is still advised to help keep your winning streak.
Here are some benefits engaged couples can receive by getting marriage counseling before saying I Do.
1 - Resolving Conflicts The Healthy Way
By far wedding planning and marriage would be at the top of my list as contributors to conflict. No matter how sweet the love of your life is to you, there are things you will never agree on. But that doesn't mean you cannot come to terms with opposite opinions. Marriage counseling allows effective ways to hear what their spouse is saying and process their message.
2 - Communicate With Love
Tip #1 opens the door to start communicating, but what happens when you begin to speak? Are your words kind and gentle or are they harsh and cold? No one likes to be talked down to or disrespected even if you have a valid point. Both sides should effectively communicate their points without hurting the other.
3 - Long Standing Issues
If you haven't had the chance to get through tip 1 and 2, it's possible that you both are carrying long standing issues. These unresolved issues need to be addressed before your wedding day. It could be your finances. It could be that your spouse doesn't want children. Whatever the issue, counseling serves as a great way to address anything that's lingering.
4 - Understanding The Other Side of Your Spouse
I don't know how many times I've heard "this isn't the person I fell in love with," or "this isn't the person I married". The National Center for Family and Marriage Research states that 16.9 divorces occur for every 1,000 people. In 2016, 1.1 million couples divorced with Washington, DC leading in divorces with 29.9%.
The Knot reports the national cost of a wedding in the U.S. is $35,329. Of course that may not represent your city. I say all of this to say that you have spent tons of money and years of investment into your spouse. Certainly your spouse isn't the wrong person for you, but you want to be sure you have all the tools you can to avoid being a part of the 827,261 couples who divorced in 2016.
There is no reason to rush into getting married. You'll spend a lifetime together. Use the months following your engagement to seek marriage counseling to ensure you have decades of bliss. Identify and address potential problems before they occur not after.